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The Diner

The Diner - I Love Lucy episode 93, season 3, originally aired 4/26/1954

Ricky is getting tired of show business, and he and Fred decide to invest in a small diner.  Fred and Ethel have the experience to run the grill, and Ricky has the star appeal to bring the customers in.  In short order, their new business, A Little Bit of Cuba is born, and off to a good start.

Unfortunately, after a while the Mertzes get tired of doing all of the hard work, while Ricky and Lucy work at greeting and hobnobbing the stream of customers coming in.  Hurt feelings are followed by harsh words, and they eventually split the diner in half, with Little Bit of Cuba on one side, and the Mertzes diner, Big Hunk of America on the other.  Lucy gets stuck behind the grill, and promptly has her feelings hurt by Ricky, and then gets involved in a pricing war with the Mertzes, which Ethel eventually ‘wins’—selling hamburgers for a penny each.  A food fight follows, and the Ricardos and Mertzes end up selling the diner back (at a loss) to the original owner—who reveals that he makes his money from selling the diner and buying it back at a lower price.

The Diner is available as part of the season 3 I Love Lucy DVD collection.

funny quotes from The Diner – I Love Lucy

Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball): [referring to Ricky] He’s as grumpy as a kangaroo with a porcupine in his pouch.

Ethel Mertz (Vivian Vance): Ricky, how would it be if your face froze like that?
Ricky Ricardo (Desi Arnaz): How would it be if you minded your own business?

Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball): I think we should name it after a woman.
Ethel Mertz (Vivian Vance): What woman’s name are you thinking of?
Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball): Well, it starts with an ‘L’.
Ethel Mertz (Vivian Vance): [exasperated] Lucy!
Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball): That’s it!

Ethel Mertz (Vivian Vance): Sure, this is just perfect for the four of us.  Fred and I have the know-how, and Ricky has the name and Lucy has, uh, Lucy has, uh …
Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball): [pointing to Ricky] My name is the same as his!

Fred Mertz (William Frawley): [working in a diner] Adam and Eve on a raft. Wreck’em!

Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball): It’s all your fault.
Ricky Ricardo (Desi Arnaz): My fault?
Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball): Yes. Yelling all those crazy things at me.
Ricky Ricardo (Desi Arnaz): That was diner talk. Like Fred did.
Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball): Yeah well,
[about to cry]
Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball): the next time you want hamburgers without onions, ask for hamburgers without onions. Don’t stand there and yell, “Bring the bull in the ring and laugh in his face!”

Ethel Mertz (Vivian Vance): Three!
Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball): Two!
Ethel Mertz (Vivian Vance): One! One cent hamburgers.
Fred Mertz (William Frawley): Ethel, are you out of your mind?
Ethel Mertz (Vivian Vance): Well I thought this could get’em.
Fred Mertz (William Frawley): One cent hamburgers.
Customer: [Gives Ethel one dollar] I’d like a 100 hamburgers.

Originally published at Clown Ministry


Tom Raymond has been a professional clown and children's entertain for nearly 20 years - in addition to his personal website Raynbow Clown he also runs several clown-related websites, including Famous Clowns and Free Clown Skits, Best Clean Funny Jokes

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